37. Please wake up (I refuse to believe)

This is what I feared the most!
But never did I expect it
To happen.
Never!
I feel bad
I’m still not too much sad
But I feel bad
Like I was wrong
Like I failed
Like I failed you
Like I disappointed you
I feel bad inside
It feels like a really big fall
Like I should’ve done much better
Like I could’ve done much more
And it seems like a really big fall
I’m sorry Love
I’m not prepared to let you go!
Explain to me:
Why didn’t you call me or text me?
Or send me an email?
I wouldn’t do you harm!
You know it is true.
So why on Earth you didn’t???
Could’ve done that.
Now I feel guilty…
And I’m in a deep disbelief
Deep, deep disbelief
I feel empty
...
Wake up...
Please wake up
It was all only a dream
I feel like all my doing
Towards you
Were in vain
It feels like pain.
Please wake up…
I feel like my head will explode…
Please wake up…
I don’t want to believe
Not in this dreadful news
...
Please wake up…
Please…
Now I feel sorrow and regret
Regret!
I failed myself!
I feel regret
I feel regret
Like I failed you
I feel regret…

Please wake up!
I can’t forgive myself!
(I was so close! So close…)
Please wake up!
Please wake up!
Please…

(written up to 23.01.2018)

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